When was the last time you plan to kill yourself?
Do I have your attention? I am Karen Robinson, founder and executive director of Heal Thrive Dream, LLC. Victims of childhood abuse and trauma frequently lose hope. They feel stuck, trapped, alone, and empty. When I was under the age of 12. I hid disposable razors in the pockets of my clothes. I wanted to die. There was just one problem. I hate blood and the sight of blood, made me sick to my stomach. I don't remember what the trigger was or the last straw on the day of my suicide attempt.
I remember looking into the bathroom mirror with the tears running down my cheeks. I don't remember the color of the tumbler of water, and I don't remember how many handfuls of Tylenol that I swallowed. I didn't count. I swallowed until what I thought was enough and whispered to God to take me because I couldn't do this anymore. I went to sleep feeling more at peace. Imagine my surprise when I woke up the next morning. I don't remember if I had a stomach ache or not. I do remember initially being angry at God. Then it hit me. Maybe there's a reason why I didn't die. Maybe I was meant to live for a purpose I didn't yet know about. Even though my home circumstances didn't change, I think I had a seed of hope.
This story is just one of many. There were other hurdles to overcome inside and outside my dysfunctional family. I also had a few failed marriages. Would I change my childhood or my adulthood? Difficult question. Since we can't change the past, it is a moot point. In my teens I had an encounter with a social worker that was truly terrible. I wish I could remember his name. I wish I knew then what I know now. I did somehow know that I deserved to be treated with more respect than what he afforded me. You see, he had made the assumption that I was a bad teenager and accused me of behaviors I did not do, nor did I consider doing.
This experience and others shaped the social worker that I am today. I knew that I wanted to respect my clients, to be compassionate and authentic with them. To serve them without judgment. Have I been a perfect therapist or coach? No, of course not. I made many mistakes along the way, but I have helped many during two decades of my career serving clients. I have worked with clients of every nationality, every age. I believe in equity, equality and social justice. I am a liberal Christian and believe that hope, faith and love can change the world. I believe hate, greed, misogyny and racism hurt us all.
My work with Heal Thrive Dream, LLC is just beginning. Our vision is to have a global impact for women and Children. Our nonprofit of choice is ‘ A21'. Their mission is to end slavery around the world. Human trafficking is the abuse of Children, women and men for their bodies and labor. It is indeed modern day slavery. A small percentage of our sales is donated to A21 monthly.
“No one person can do everything, but every one of us can do something.”
Christine Caine, a 21 chief advocate. Let's all be like Christine and be that one person that makes a difference. Thank you and keep on listening to The Heal Thrive Dream Podcast.
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